Chapter Two

   I was talking with a friend earlier this week and she made a comment to me that made me stop in my tracks. I have the biggest, definitely irrational, fear of the dentist. Like a, I start to sweat and panic just taking my kiddos to the dentist, haven't been in years, kind of fear. My friend has been begging me to go for over a year and even talked to her own dentist about me and how he could help me overcome my fear! That was slightly embarrassing to hear, but I know where her heart is.

   So when she says, "Think how empowering it will be to conquer that fear!" it gets me to thinking about my goals for this year. I think about how big they are, how important they are to me. If I truly, really really want to be the person I am meant to be, don't I have to conquer the big stuff too? Not the just the little things like meal planning for the week or having a cleaning schedule, but the big stuff. The holy shit, I can't believe I am going to do this, stuff. I can't stay in the habit of setting goals I know I can reach, but instead set those goals that I have to hustle for.

   Will it be hard? Sure.
   Will it be terrifying? Hell yes.
   Will is change me? Absolutely.

Chapter One

  At the beginning of 2016 I had a goal to grow into the person I was meant to be. I made a plan to read books, listened to podcasts, and surrounded myself with people who would lift me up and support this goal. Well, I read about four books. I say 'about' because I only read half of every book I started. I listened to maybe 4 full podcasts. And even those were a mishmash of stops and starts so that the true meaning of the message was lost on me. I did find my tribe. So I at least had that going for me.

  I had the best of intentions, but no follow through. No true commitment, if I'm going to be honest. I talked a great game, but had nothing to show for it. As 2016 came to a close I decided that instead of being frustrated and just giving up, I was going to be grateful for those lessons. Those so called failures. The missteps. The missed opportunities. They were really just wake up calls. They were loud fog horns that I couldn't ignore anymore. Growing and learning to become the best version of myself is not going to be a perfect process. And trying to make it perfect is counterproductive. If I'm only able to listen to 20 minutes of a podcast, so what? I am going to get every damn morsel of goodness out of that 20 minutes. Only able to read one chapter of a book? Fantastic, how can I apply that one chapter to my day to day? 

  I can't promise myself that in 2017 I am going to finish every book I read or listen to a complete podcast in a single setting. I have a two year old whose life's mission is to make the loudest, biggest mess possible so time for self care is scarce. But, in the moments I do have, I'm going to be grateful. I'm going to be grateful because even though I want more, I could just as easily have less.